Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
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I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
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His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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