I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Blood and glitter go together right?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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