I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
