grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
