its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
