Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
