Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
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I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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