i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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