Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
