Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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