sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
