STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
