Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
