I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
