butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
