Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
