just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
