i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
