Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
