The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
