i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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