Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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