your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
