: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
