So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
