Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
