you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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