so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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