I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
