apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
