I've blown a few things in my day
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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