I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
