so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
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OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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