That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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