jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
