Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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