I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
