my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
