Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
