somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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