i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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