I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
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My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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