Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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