Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
