I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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