if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
