some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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