stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
