Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
