let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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