So drunk, too bad you don't want this
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
