I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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