haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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