I've blown a few things in my day
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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