just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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