You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
