while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
