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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running

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• (813): View more from Florida

  The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Hey, how are you?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.

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