i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
