How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
