Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my mouth tastes like poor choices
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
