this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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