kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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