He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
