Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
