Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
